“Sometimes you want things that are not so beautiful or… Yeah, like, okay, so money, for example, I am actually afraid of not having a certain income. Now, this is one point for me in deciding whether I continue academia or not. And so maybe I shouldn’t… Yeah, I shouldn’t think too much about it, but really think more about my very internal motivation to do some type of work. That’s super interesting. Also, when you say we look for something which is not beautiful. I mean, I totally think I get what you mean, which is that I was raised like that as well. That money is actually something bad, you know, like it’s bad perceived. People who thrive for money, etc. It’s egoistic. It’s whatever you want, you know. And I think especially because before at the very beginning, you also spoke of it as a woman. And I think it could also very much be even more the case for women because usually in our societies, like the guy who earns the money, for them it’s okay to climb the hierarchy of the company, get a lot of money. And for women, maybe it’s even harder, I mean, even worse perceived.
I don’t know if that makes sense. And then also, I would understand since we said that self-efficacy would be about wanting it so badly. If as a woman or as a…
I mean, even me, I also have that.
So if I internalize the idea that getting money is actually not beautiful, it’s a bad thing, then I don’t want it so badly anymore. I start to doubt, you know, about if that would be good to have it or not. And then I think this is probably the reason why also we get completely destroyed in our motivation to do things.
Do you see what I mean, maybe? Yeah, I mean, the point is, and my mind about money has been changing during the last years a bit because before I thought, okay, whatever, I’m gonna always have some money to do things. But now, as I’m seeing about my life, and I live quite a student life, most of my friends actually, they, you know, they have beautiful apartments with their partners and now they are getting married and the first babies are on the way. Whereas you’re a PhD, small little apartment. Right, I don’t own any furniture.
I have all my things in two suitcases, three of them. And so I’m starting to at least tell myself that I actually want a certain amount of income and a certain security that I connect with it. But what is changing, for example, I think before, for me prestige was much more important. So being like, what company do you work with? Who do you connect with? What names can you drop?
Who’s doing what a bit? And this is much less now important for me. I still get it, but yeah, my priorities have changed a bit. And what made you change about that? Just, I think, having it and then being like, yeah, but actually it’s not cool.
Like my actual motivation of why I’m doing this work or what I want to spend my time with or the people I want to talk to maybe, this is not what I find at these places. “
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